Relationship Counselling Beaconsfield
Relationship counselling can heal emotions and transform relationships. But how?
Forget about learning how to argue better or analyzing details of your early childhood. Making grand romantic gestures or experimenting with new sexual positions is not going to do it either.
What goes wrong in relationships:
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) helps you to recognize and accept that you are emotionally attached to and depend on your partner for support. Just like a child relies on a parent for caring, soothing, and protection. I don’t mean you need to parent your partner. But you do need to be emotionally available, responsive and engaged when your partner needs you.
Relationship counselling helps you to recognise that everyday, in different ways, you are asking your partner these fundamental questions:
- “are you emotionally accessible when I need you?”
- “are you responsive when I reach for you emotionally and physically?”
- “will you engage with me when I ask for help or support?”
When you feel the answer to these questions is “no”, you will naturally become distressed, anxious, angry and upset. EFT relationship counselling says these compelling questions are at the root of most conflicts in distressed relationships.
How does relationship counselling help:
When you and your partner get into difficulty you will start a habitual ‘dance’ together. Sue Johnson, the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy, calls these dances the Demon Dialogues.
Maybe you get angry, start complaining and criticising and your partner starts defending and stonewalling. Or you both get stuck in ‘Find the Bad Guy’ each blaming the other. Relationship counselling helps you to become aware of your negative dance. Otherwise, the dance takes on a life of its own and you end up seeing your partner as the enemy or problem.
Unhelpful patterns in relationships:
EFT relationship counselling helps you and your partner to identify your patterns of blame and distancing. Each of you will begin to see your dance steps which contribute to the stuck pattern. As a result, you can work as a team to not get stuck in the negative patterns of reactivity.
Within the safety and support of relationship counselling, each of you can begin to explore and share your softer emotions. These emotions and your emotional needs get lost in the reactive dance. Hurt, sadness, loneliness and fear often lie below anger and frustration. Acceptance, emotional safety, responsiveness and engagement lie at the heart of angry protest and criticism.
Expressing your vulnerability and feeling that your partner is truly there for you is what love is all about.
Relationship counselling can help you and your partner to speak a deeper truth of what you are feeling and needing in your relationship. And help both of you to respond in a ways that enables each of you to feel accepted and understood.
Love comes from feeling that your partner is emotionally available to you in this way.
I offer daytime and evening relationship counselling sessions Mondays to Friday between 8am- 8pm near Odds Farm, just outside Beaconsfield. Find out more at my Couples Counselling page.
I have trained with the International Centre for Clinical Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy.